[inkskinned]

there are all kinds of aware. the aware of 2 AM when you’re both half-asleep on the floor and your heart is up and the aware of 5 AM when you haven’t slept the night before and your guard is all you are. the aware of a sore tooth that makes small things on tongues feel big and the aware of first-food-since-i-forget that makes big things taste better.

aware, be/ware, the aware of halloween nights where the back of your skin crawls with again-witch, the aware of the first snowfall you watch alone, the aware of a paper cut, the aware of knowing the cat is in the room but it doesn’t like to be pet so you just have to watch it. the aware of pen lights, of fridays, of cracked ribs. the aware of i hurt you once, i won’t do it again. the aware of first time holding hands, the aware of nine hundredth circle on her spine, the aware of spotted zoo animal and the aware of an open blue sky.

“how does she make you feel?” you ask.

aware, i guess. aware so much i feel alive.

[wekartu]

-

One day, she’s going to know. She’ll know your birthday, your middle name, where you were born, your star sign, and your parents names. She’ll know how old you were when you learned to ride a bike, how your grandparents passed away, how many pets you had, and how much you hated going to school. She’ll know your eye colour, your scars, your freckles, your laugh lines and your birth marks. She’ll know your favourite book, movie, candy, food, pair of shoes, colour, and song. She’s going to know why you’re awake at 5am most nights, where you were when you realised you’d lost a good friend. She’s going to know your phobias, your dreams, your fears, your wishes, and your worries. She’s going to know about your first heartbreak, your dream wedding, and your problems with your parents. She’ll know your strengths, weaknesses, laziness, energy, and your mixed emotions. She’s going to know about your love for mayonnaise, your dream of being famous when you were five, your need to quote any film you know all the way through, and your fear of growing older. She’ll know your bad habits, your mannerisms, your stroppy pout, your facial expressions, and your laugh like it’s her favourite song. The way you chew, drink, walk, sleep, fidget and kiss. She’s going to know that you’ve already picked out wedding flowers, baby names, tiles for the bathroom, bridesmaid dresses, and the colour of your bedroom walls. She’s going to know, get annoyed at and then accept that you leave clothes everywhere, take twenty minutes to order a Starbucks, have to organise your DVD’s alphabetically, and check your horoscope… just incase. She’ll know your McDonald’s order, how many sugars to put in your tea, how many scoops of ice cream you want, and that you need your sandwiches cut into triangles. She’s going to know how you feel without you telling her, that you need a wee from a look on your face, and that you’re crying without shedding tears. She’s going to know all of it. Everything. You, from top to bottom and inside out. From learning, from sharing, from listening, from watching. She’s going to know every single thing there is to know, and you know what else? She is still going to love you.

(via youwillgetbetterrr)

[nitrogen]

By Tara Niami

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